Children are sensitive, and the words you use when communicating with them become a crucial part of their mindset. These words can have both positive and negative impacts on a child's self-esteem and emotional well-being.
Kids, especially at a young age, absorb and internalize everything their parents say to them. Using words or phrases that have a detrimental effect on these children can lead to low self-esteem, strained relationships, and emotional instability.
Many of these expressions are commonly used by parents, often unaware of the harm they may cause. As a parent, here are 10 phrases you should steer clear of when talking to your children:
"When I Was Your Age, I Did Better":
Children look up to their parents as role models and idols. Statements like this foster unhealthy competition and diminish self-esteem. It might encourage them to do things solely to seek your approval rather than pursuing their own happiness.
"You Are Such a Disappointment":
Children are bound to make mistakes. If you want them to learn from their errors, address the mistakes they make without making them feel like they are the mistake. Expressions like this can make the child feel like a failure, leading to low self-esteem and a constant need for validation from you and others.
"Why Can't You Be More Like Your Brother/Sister":
This phrase is commonly used by many parents. Comparisons are hurtful and can breed jealousy among siblings. It can also lead to low self-esteem and unnecessary rivalry among them.
"You Have No Reason to Be Upset":
Children have every right and reason to be upset about something. Trying to invalidate their feelings is wrong. It also makes them feel foolish, as if their emotions are not valid. This can cause them to bottle up their emotions and may lead to depression.
"Stop Asking Me Questions":
Children are naturally curious and will always have questions. Criticizing them will only drive them to seek answers elsewhere and create a distant relationship between you and your children.
"I Don't Care":
Their concerns may not always make sense to you, but they are important to them. They expect you to be as concerned or excited as they are when sharing their thoughts with you. Telling them you don't care is hurtful, making them feel like their points are worthless and senseless, potentially leading to low self-esteem.
"Big Boys/Girls Don't Cry":
Everyone gets scared at times, including you. Telling them that big boys or girls don't cry in an attempt to toughen them up is wrong. It doesn't stop them from feeling scared; instead, it encourages them to suppress their emotions to appear tough. It also teaches them to run from their fears rather than facing them head-on.
"I Do Everything for You":
This is emotional manipulation. These children are your responsibility, and it's your duty to take care of them. They didn't choose to be born. Taking good care of them is not doing them a favor; it's your responsibility.
"Just Let Me Do It":
This phrase can be harmful when the child is struggling with a task. Instead, you should use phrases like "Do you need help with this?" or "Let me show you a trick to make it easier." These alternatives won't damage the child's self-esteem.
"You Are a Bad Boy/Girl":
Calling your child "bad" is something you should never do. You can address their behavior without using such labels. Blame the actions, not the child. Using labels can induce shame and make the child feel inherently flawed.
Avoiding these phrases when communicating with your children will go a long way in helping them develop a healthy mindset and fostering love and respect between you and your child.
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